Let’s talk about coffee meetings.

Coffee chats can be a great way for entrepreneurs to build their network. But when you invite someone for a “getting to know you” chat, the anticipation is often quite different from the reality.

You might expect to deeply connect with the other person in the meeting, and also get something from them. Maybe an introduction to an investor, or an offer to review your deck, or a vague promise of mentorship.

The problem with this expectation is that it’s transactional.

And let’s be real – no one wants to be invited for coffee only to find out 10 minutes into the meeting that the other person wants something from them.

So what’s the best way to have a “coffee chat” that leads to lasting relationships?

It's not about attending every networking event or collecting stacks of business cards. It’s about listening.

Stay with me.

The power of listening

The next time you set up a coffee meeting with someone you admire, try this:

1. Offer to meet at their office or a nearby coffee shop for just 30 minutes.
2. When you sit down, ask them one question:

"I'm trying to build mental models of what great looks like. Your journey seems pretty incredible. Can you walk me through how you got to where you are today, from the very beginning?"

3. Then don't say another word.

Yep, you read that right. No self-introduction. No agenda. Just pure, undivided attention.

It’s simple. But it’s also incredibly powerful.

Why this works

People love talking about themselves.

We love it so much, that when someone asks us questions about ourselves, something crazy happens.

We end up thinking the person who listened to us chatter on for 20 minutes is a wonderful person… even if they hardly shared anything about themselves!

This is true in every single social setting. At the doctor’s office, with my kid’s teacher, at the post office.

But it only works if you actually takes the time to listen to their stories.

By offering this level of attention, you're tapping into one of the most basic human needs: the desire to be seen and heard.

You're not just another person trying to get something from them. You're someone who genuinely wants to understand their journey.

And that makes a lasting impression.

Why it’s hard

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Kera, this sounds too easy. What's the catch?"

Well, here it is: it's a lot harder than it sounds.

Our natural instinct is to talk about ourselves, to share our own stories and experiences. Resisting that urge for 30 minutes straight? It takes practice.

But the rewards are worth it.

Build relationships, not contacts

Raise your hand if this sounds familiar: you meet someone new, and within minutes it's clear they want something from you. It's off-putting, right?

This approach is different. It's about easing into a relationship.

It's not about what you can get from this person right now. It's about laying the groundwork for a meaningful, long-term connection.

Getting the meeting

So, how do you get these meetings set up in the first place?

Don't overthink it. Start by cold messaging people on LinkedIn or email. Focus only on people whose experiences apply somehow to the career you’re interested in pursuing (or the life you’re interested in leading).

Read their bios and tailor the message based on their specific experiences.

🚨 Don’t rely on AI for this one — if AI gets it wrong, you’ll be blacklisted.

Then see who responds.

Remember, not everyone will say yes, and that's okay. Keep reaching out, keep showing genuine interest, and the meetings will come.

TL;DR

In the world of startup networking, sometimes less is more. One well-crafted question, paired with the gift of your undivided attention, can open doors you never knew existed.

So the next time you're gearing up for a coffee meeting, remember:

1. Ask your one powerful question
2. Listen intently
3. Let them do the talking